Home Away From

We checked into Benedictine Hospital yesterday, as we were unable to manage Killian’s pain at home. A spot near mid-spine sent Killian into a wheel chair last week. He kept asking people to poke their fingers down deep in a certain spot to relieve the pain. Once, when I had my thumb in up to the knuckle, I felt something I suspected was disease. Little Jack Horner from hell. Josh (acupuncturist) thought so too when he came over to work on Killian. Frankly, I think Killian knew all along it was disease. However, when the spot was confirmed as more cancer this morning he was very, very upset. He said, “I feel stupid that I just keep hoping.” But, not even a half hour later he was laughing about something. A tipsy guy was giving stupid answers on Cash Cab. It’s clear the preservation of hope is his life force. He disconnects from what is happening in his body so he can wring enjoyment out of every moment possible. The disease on his spine eroded bone. There’s a fracture. His back is broken, and he’s laughing because the Cash Cab drunk couldn’t remember the word “kibbutz.” It’s infectious.

We have the most beautiful view we’ve ever had in a hospital. Killian’s drifting in and out, but says “wake me when the stars are out.” Last night he had quite a bit a bleeding, and it looks like it’s starting again. As usual, we’re able to manage it with Yunan Baiyo. That, and the remarkable clotting power of his otherwise healthy young body. They let us use Yunan Baiyo here without the docs freaking out. We’re on the hospice floor, and they pretty much let you do anything short of a keg party here.

The plan is 3 days of radiation to the spine. The first was today. It’s conceivable we could go home by the weekend—depends on how well the pain is managed