Back to School!

Here we are, Monday before Valentines Day, and my Killian heart went back to school. It’s so…out there… his going back to school. Though his radiation burns and mouth sores are healing, he is still vulnerable to infection and has 3 holes on the left side of his face. Plus, he’s still on major pain meds! Here’s the thing, though. These are my issues. Why not go back to school? I talked to a counselor about it, listing all the scary stuff that could happen. His point to me: that the scary stuff will happen anyway – could be any time, anywhere. There is no right place for the scary stuff to happen. Apparently, I can’t protect Killian, Cally or the world from the scary stuff either (drat, I was sure I had that power at one time!) My friend Anna emailed the following today:
How are YOU.... really? (Circle all that apply.)
A) Strong with a crumble from time to time.
B) Strong on the outside with psychosis on the inside.
C) Surprisingly peaceful with an occasional meltdown.
D) Taking it one minute at a time.
E) Often on the verge of running, screaming, naked down the road.
F) What kind of idiotic question is this?
G) Other.
This morning, as Killian went to school, I was B), later in the afternoon I was D), now I’m G): laughing at my issues and at the fact that I had the nerve to be annoyed with Phil when he went off to work this morning because he didn’t share my issues. I'd canonize my husband, but I'm sure he'd find discomfort with the religious implications. Maybe I'll write him a song for Valentine's Day instead.

That Killian felt well enough to go back to school today is miraculous. His teacher’s responses in anticipation of his return: another small miracle.

“Sounds great! We can't wait to see him.” -- Global Studies teacher
“…I look forward to seeing him.” -- Art teacher
“I am happy to give Killian any type of modified curriculum… had him last year and he has strong reading, writing, analyzing and work ethic skills. So it would not be a problem for him to move to 11th grade English after doing a modified 10th grade curriculum. Thank you for the great news. Killian is a wonderful person and knowing he's better has made my day!!” -- English teacher
“Thank you for the great news!!! I am very happy that he is returning! The rest is all a piece of cake! Life and health top the list! Anything is possible when your will to live is so strong and inspiring as Killian's.” -- Spanish teacher
“Woo-hoo! SOOOO looking forward!!!” -- Orchestra teacher