Thursday, July 23, 2009

Updates

I feel the energy of collective grief. It's like being sandwiched between two sets of chests, silent-listening to muffled hearts beating in my ears. It's comforting, but I have no idea what to do with it except listen and breath.

Everyone wants us to tell them what we'd like, what we need, what they can do... I love the love, but can't say, can't decide, can't answer. I can say I look forward to brushing my teeth--that I can decide. My teeth need to be brushed, we have a routine, me and my teeth. We're in sync. I'm so sorry I'm so out of sync with everyone else.

Updates. That's a misnomer if ever I heard one. We have nothing "up" to report and god only knows what date it is today. Killian's body is failing him a bit more every day. There isn't much else to say about that.

I think I'll have something uplifting to announce SOON about Killian's album, the Killian Mansfield Pavilion or the Killian Mansfield Foundation. Hang in there folks.

9 comments:

Laurie said...

Just listen and breathe. Just do what you must. It's a nightmare situation. We love you.

Laurie

Ilene said...

Tender thoughts and heartfelt love.

Readerstheater said...

Don't worry about synch-ing or knowing what to say about what people can do, etc. Just extract the love that underlies these overtures and use it as a floatation device.

Diane said...

Your strength and courage are amazing...God Bless

Hi. My name is Caroline, and I like strange things. said...

God Bless you all. I will share your story and need, and have no doubt you'll receive more than 1,000 cranes.

John Bonitz said...

Sending my love and prayers.
Uncle John

Monabona said...

I think of Killian, you and your family every day and remember you in my meditations. For all the agony you must have gone through, it sounds to me as if it was worth every moment to have experienced such an extraordinary young man as your son. Peace to all of you.

marghie said...

Babs, no one expects you to know what to say. Everyone who loves you just wants you to know that any request you think of is yours for the asking. We (everyone not inside your head) no one wants to intrude, but at the same time they don't want you to go without anything you need or want simply because you haven't thought of it yet. If you think of it, start a list of thing that could be done, laundry, lawn mowing, car cleaning, Cali needs new socks.. no matter how trivial, then just add to it as you think of it, if things get done, great, if not the things will still be there to be done when your head clears.

Diane said...

Brian and I met you and Killian at radiation in NYC. He has head and neck cancer and I wear two different shoes. You are all in our prayers.