I feel the energy of collective grief. It's like being sandwiched between two sets of chests, silent-listening to muffled hearts beating in my ears. It's comforting, but I have no idea what to do with it except listen and breath.
Everyone wants us to tell them what we'd like, what we need, what they can do... I love the love, but can't say, can't decide, can't answer. I can say I look forward to brushing my teeth--that I can decide. My teeth need to be brushed, we have a routine, me and my teeth. We're in sync. I'm so sorry I'm so out of sync with everyone else.
Updates. That's a misnomer if ever I heard one. We have nothing "up" to report and god only knows what date it is today. Killian's body is failing him a bit more every day. There isn't much else to say about that.
I think I'll have something uplifting to announce SOON about Killian's album, the Killian Mansfield Pavilion or the Killian Mansfield Foundation. Hang in there folks.
Killian with Diane Rooney, an acupuncturist from the Integrative Therapies Prog.
THIS PIC WAS TAKEN ALMOST 4 YEARS AGO @ A CONF. ON ALTERNATIVE THERAPIES KILLIAN SPOKE IN
Drawing from David Kogut's daughter (he's helping at SLG get album out)
LOOKS LIKE SOMEWHERE ELSE IS IN PRODUCTION!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KILLIAN
SWEET 16 cookies made by Mary
Root NIght
Root Night at Fiddle & Dance
Michael LaFosse, Killian and Richard Alexander
Midori Moth
Maya Lin's Wave Field
at Storm King
Post Event Jam
Somewhere Else (Listening Party)
thank you, thank you, thank you
Looking for Different Kinds of Duckies
this one is called "Woodsduck"
Today's Acquisition
Killian bought these, made from recycled tires and other materials
Paolo Nutini
Looking for new song. (theme: pants)
Will.i.am Doing His Part to Make Ukulele Cool
Ukulele craze is not just in Mansfield home
Onteora Chamber Orchestra
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Killian with Katie Martucci
Plans for School
For this week... at least
Killian and Jump Jump Swamped
Cyprus Swamp in Pender County, NC
Smoking Octopus
"it's not like an octopus would smoke cigarettes like you know them, mom"
NOT a Guitar
Six String Uke
Year of the Ox
Moses Conquers Snow Fear
Runs through foot-deep snow on Little Mt.
Skate Away Little Molar...
Skate Away...
New Year's Eve
Party On
Manga, manga!!
Killian with Joy and Bart
Play area at Ronald McDonald House
Jam Toy Guitar
Dance Dance Revolution
Ultimate sleepover
from Cally's and Lucia's dance party
Rocked Out
Fentanyl Pop
Britney Spears Reportedly Sucked This
Gag a maggot!!!!!!!!
Cally and Killian
Cally emulating Killian's headwrap
Halloween Family
Lucia, Babs, Killian, Cally and Phil
Killian with Uncle Rock
Click on "It's Hot..." or "Playin' Possum"
Killian and Cally playing with photo software
Chuckology
Pain isn't all that sucks
VEGF-Trap
(how it works??????)
Killian and Cally at Chad and Chelsea's wedding
Killian Performing at Teen Retreat at NIH
Killian performing at NIH Teen Retreat
Mary,KnM
w Pops n Mary in the Wood....
Sofranko Feast
Like the pilgrims, we celebrate our thankfulness with a feast of friends (or was that feast with friends?)
The Children's Inn
Children's Inn at NIH
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish
Charles Atlas
Killian eats Charles Atlas for breakfast
Yondelis
the sea urchin from which Yondelis is derived
9 comments:
Just listen and breathe. Just do what you must. It's a nightmare situation. We love you.
Laurie
Tender thoughts and heartfelt love.
Don't worry about synch-ing or knowing what to say about what people can do, etc. Just extract the love that underlies these overtures and use it as a floatation device.
Your strength and courage are amazing...God Bless
God Bless you all. I will share your story and need, and have no doubt you'll receive more than 1,000 cranes.
Sending my love and prayers.
Uncle John
I think of Killian, you and your family every day and remember you in my meditations. For all the agony you must have gone through, it sounds to me as if it was worth every moment to have experienced such an extraordinary young man as your son. Peace to all of you.
Babs, no one expects you to know what to say. Everyone who loves you just wants you to know that any request you think of is yours for the asking. We (everyone not inside your head) no one wants to intrude, but at the same time they don't want you to go without anything you need or want simply because you haven't thought of it yet. If you think of it, start a list of thing that could be done, laundry, lawn mowing, car cleaning, Cali needs new socks.. no matter how trivial, then just add to it as you think of it, if things get done, great, if not the things will still be there to be done when your head clears.
Brian and I met you and Killian at radiation in NYC. He has head and neck cancer and I wear two different shoes. You are all in our prayers.
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